Please read these words, too much time has passed since we last talked and years since we embraced. I need you, I need to see your eyes, to hear your voice, to hug you and tell you, “I’m sorry, forgive me, I love you, I never want to feel away from you ever again”. We can’t erase the ocean that separates us, but we can erase the distance that separates our minds and souls.
The divorce has been hard on all of us, we have all suffered, but today I realize that you have suffered the most. To tell you that you never lost me or that I didn’t lose you is pointless and untrue, because we have been apart for too many years. But the way I see it, whatever the reasons for our distancing today they have no sense, no meaning, they are just empty shells in a lonely beach.
Which is why today I ask your forgiveness, I beg your pardon, I cannot continue living with this huge hole in my heart. Since we drifted apart I have not been able to be honestly happy. I try, I pretend, I laugh, I counsel, I talk… but I can’t, my heart aches, I need your love and respect to be in peace with myself, I need to be sure that you are happy, that you have no regrets, that I have given you the most important thing that I can give you, my love and support, to share with you the things I have learned and that I continue to learn every day.
The most important thing I have learned in my journey through life is that happiness is the ultimate goal but it’s very elusive, ethereal, you need to work hard to maintain it, more times than not it’s a state of mind, you need to fill your life with love, friends, forgiveness and peace of mind in order for it to happen.
We will never recover the lost time, the missed talks, the many dates we should have shared, especially the moments where we needed each other’s company and support . Those moments will never come back and they should only be a lesson of why we need to forgive each other and never be apart again.
I love you, I treasure many magical moments with you and those memories are yours too, you only need to scratch the surface a little to let them take over your anger and resentment towards me. Please do that, I beg you.
Remember the many laughs we shared, our jokes, our complicity, our similar way of thinking, our similar tastes in video games, food and sports. Even our faults are the same! Intolerance to criticism and explosive characters are at the top of that list. Still, above our similarities and our differences, you are my son and I am your dad, God wanted it that way and we should respect his will and his lessons.
We are meant to learn together, to respect, support and love each other until our time on earth comes to an end.
Once again I give you my hand, my heart, and ask your forgiveness.